Many MTF trans woman find it difficult to fully embrace their femininity. This is understandable given that most of them grew up as men and, therefore, were accustomed to manly behaviors. To fully embrace your femininity as a trans woman, you must constantly strive to be more ladylike. You must think and behave in a womanly fashion, and you must drop any traits that make you look less feminine.
Being feminine is often described by traits such as gentleness, elegance, stylish, and respectful. If you want to get a head start on your journey to embracing femininity, you need to cultivate some of these traits. To make sure you’re on the right path, below are some pitfalls you need to avoid as an MTF trans woman.
Being Too Aggressive
Growing up as a man might have made you a bit aggressive in response to negative situations. However, you need to put a leash on your aggression if you want to be more ladylike. This requires a certain degree of self-discipline. In fact, one of the vital qualities of a woman is self-control. Woman rarely engage in minor fights that could develop into something worse. It is better to walk away with your dignity still intact than to walk away with both your dignity and your face in tatters.
Showing Too Much Skin
Every woman loves to feel pretty and sexy. However, even though showing a lot of skin is becoming a fad, you should avoid it as an MTF trans woman By showing too much skin, you risk being trashy rather than classy and sexy. As a rule of thumb, only show off one part of your body at a time. When you do choose to reveal a part of yourself, make sure to leave something to the imagination. Showing less skin not only gives you sex appeal but also helps you come across as classy.
Not Minding Your Ps and Qs
Embracing your feminine side requires you to be more polite and compassionate as well. You need to be respectful to everyone around you. Using polite words such as “please” and “thank you” will certainly help in this endeavor. Also, if you go to a party, avoid getting drunk or wasted. Being drunk and being ladylike are not compatible.
Not Grooming Yourself Properly
Being feminine requires a certain level of hygiene and grooming. It is recommended that you clean and dress yourself suitably before going out. This includes being physically clean, wearing nice make-up, and dressing fashionably. Dressing stylishly and applying make-up properly will certainly help you give a lasting feminine impression to whomever you meet.
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Just don’t try to hard and that’s it, less is more and that goes for the make up girls as some plaster themselves! If you believe in who you are then the rest is natural, you don’t need ott advise in how to be women , if you are at heart a women it floods out of you! 💋
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Or, alternately, this is all transmisogynistic horseshit and you should never speak for the community again or pretend that you’re a supporter until you have a serious wake up call about how to respect members of the transgender community.
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Yasss queen, fuck this article
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What in the ever loving fuckmuffins is this shit? This reads more like “A Transwoman’s Guide to Internalizing Misogyny” than anything else. Ffs
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Excuse me! As a cis gender woman, I find your article to be VERY offensive both to trans women and cis women. Who are you to be making these rules?
As a little girl I was always told to be polite and ladylike, and here you are telling trans women who every adult told me growing up!
The part where you say, women shouldn’t be too aggressive, where are you getting that idea? You think that to be a woman, both cis and trans women have to be quiet and submissive? You know what I have to say? FUCK THAT! There’s a saying that says something like this…
“Well behaved women rarely make history.” So try telling that to the trans women of color threw the first bricks at Stonewall back in 1969, or Margret Sanger who founded Planned Parenthood!
And let’s go there about how trans women should dress. You do know that what you wrote is pretty much slut shaming right? Who are you to be telling any woman trans, or cis how to dress. For all I care women should be able to wear anything they damned well please!
And if a woman wants to have a few drink, that is her perogative! And last but not least, who are you to tell trans women about personal hygiene? Who died and made you the police of trans women’s bodies?
Let me tell you a little secret, as a cis woman, I can go a month without shaving my legs or pits and I’m okay with it. So here is the bottom line, there is no right or wrong to be a woman.
If we want to be loud, we will do it.
If we want to dress sexy, we should do it without caring what you think.
And if we want to say a month without shaving our pits, it means that our bodies belong to us and FUCK what you think!
You madame, are an embarrassment to ALL women!
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way to miss the point entirely. I’m not a fan of the way this article is written either but it has nothing to do with you?
no one’s denying society’s expectations of women are misogynistic and unfair but the fact remains that if a trans woman wants to be recognized as a woman and ever hope to avoid being misgendered, she typically has to work even harder to get even that level of respect, which you can take for granted while looking and acting any way you want – as you have every right to do!
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Horsehit.
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Please keep your advice to yourself. You sound like an idiot.
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This is offensive to anyone who identifies as a woman, transgender and cis. There is no right or proper easy to be a woman. I’m a ciswoman and have been hearing this patriarchal crap my whole life. Women can be loud, quiet, aggressive, assertive, passive, wild, take, polite, or rude. They can dress and act anyway that they see fit. We don’t have to fit in some neat little box. Femininity is what the individual decides it is. If women want to dress sexy than they should own that and be add sexy as they want. If they want to dress like tomboys or conservative or wear clown costumes, that is their right and no one should tell them any different. Everyone should be the amazing individual they are. Clothes, makeup, manners, and being stereotypically feminine don’t make a woman. That is all window dressing. Hearts and minds make up our Tue selves. Women, and I mean ALL women, reading this. Do you and don’t let anyone tell you that you are doing it wrong. There is no wrong or right way, just your way and your way is nest way no matter what it is.
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Literally what the classist gender normative fuck is this drivel? One million years gulag!
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I have a serious problem with this. As a cis woman and trans ally, these were the exact same things I heard growing up.
Be a lady.
Be polite.
Watch you Ps and Qs
Don’t dress to provoke men.
Wear dresses and look like a girl.
You blog post reeks of misogyny, slut shaming, and body policing and this is not even okay. There is no right way to be a woman, and and there is no wrong way either.
You might want to be reminded of the trans women of color who threw the first bricks at Stonewall, just so you can have the rights you enjoy today as a trans person.
What may work for YOU, may not work for others.
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I am a cis woman and a trans ally. I believe this is well meant but there is such a wide variety of women, insisting trans women be only one thing is insulting to all women. I’m not especially feminine; I don’t wear make up regularly, I taught my boyfriend how to change a tire, when I wear dresses it’s because I’m lazy or it’s hot and I can’t wear shorts. It doesn’t make me less legitimately a woman, and it wouldn’t if I was MTF.
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This is so sexist! If you told cis women this stuff it would be messed up, too. Was this written by a man telling trans women what to do?
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Wow, this is some serious bullshit.
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So this is stuff that all cisgender women adhere to?
Because from what I’ve seen, that baloney went out of style when the stereotypes of the 50’s also went out of style.
This is pure stereotypical claptrap. And yes. That’s the NICEST thing to say about this baloney.
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Did you get trapped in the 50s? In case you haven’t noticed but womanhood encompasses way more than this. There are lots of aggressive women. Lots of women show skin. Lots of women get hammered. Guess what? They’re all woman. This is such stereotypical bullshit and so demeaning to anyone who’s a woman.
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This article makes me want to vomit. Sell out to cis-heteronormativity much?
AAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
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Gods, where to begin. First of; be the woman you want to be; whatever that means to you.
Second; you don’t have to dress/act/sound like a 50’s housewife. Said roles are sexist and need to be left in the past.
Third; never let ANY man talk down to you or treat you as lesser than. On that, your femininity is not in doubt if you refuse to take a submissive role in society and never listen to those that would argue otherwise!
This whole article sounds like it was written by someone that gets off on the 50’s housewife lifestyle, which if you want that life; fine. For the rest of us; it’s 2017! Be your own woman and be who you want to be and don’t let anyone tell you how to do you!
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Jesus christ, this is the fucking stupidest thing I ever read.
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At one time, people could turn me into a quivering wreck by a phrase like, “Clare, I find you profoundly masculine”. Life has been so much easier since I stopped caring.
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Who do you think you are?
Why on earth is it okay for you to tell us who we should be? Just because you’re writing it as a “how to”, that doesn’t mean it’s not offensive.
Being a real woman means being who you are. This is exactly why we’re trans. We gave the finger to the world because we all spent years being told who we are. Guess what. It’s your turn for the finger.
Shame on this website for publishing this trash.
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Biggest mistake to avoid is actually listening to others who offer rubbish like this that tries to tell a large group of people with diverse understandings of personal identity and expression how to be. Best approach is to be yourself, as you know yourself to be, with all of your realness and your unique and true blend of feminine and masculine traits. You know yourself better than anyone else. Be confident in that and live your life with authenticity, and recognize that these types of narrow misogynist patriarchal definitions of how to be a woman and tired tropes about trans women are misguided and only serve our oppressors. You do you, and revel in it! You’re unique. You’re amazing. You’re always deserving of love and respect. And you don’t need advice from websites like this or anyone who wants you to eliminate valuable pieces of yourself to conform to finite and flawed rules of who and how to be in this beautifully diverse world that’s made up of a myriad of individual forms of existence, experience, and expression.
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The author of this post seems to be horrendously misogynistic. Essentially, they could have just said “mistakes to avoid as a woman.” This is the same crap that girls are taught, and so Trans Women feel the need to emulate that in what they think is how they are “supposed” to conform during their transition and beyond. Feminism is for everyone, and as we shift into new identities, we’re going to start running up against some of the issues cis women have dealt with all their lives.
This actually helps to highlight a similarity trans women share with cis women. There’s a shaming of trans women who “don’t pass” that links to a shaming of fat, slutty, and outspoken cis women. This article totally negates the wide variety of cis women in telling trans women they need to fit the specific box that so many of my cis friends break out of.
This may be coming from a place of wanting to help trans women fight the fears of repercussions for being visibly trans. First of all, that adds to this dissatisfaction of self during transition, completely missing out on the daily joys of development as a result of longing for an end result. Secondly, this tells trans women that not only were they not able to be themselves before transition, but now they cannot freely express themselves as individuals because they need to fit into a new picture of acceptance.
In other words: this post is utter garbage
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No, no, no, no! This article is trash! Be yourself; that is the point. There is no “right way” to be trans. Women cuss, women are rude, and women get involved in petty cat fights.
This is an incredibly misogynistic view of being trans. Fuck that!
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Generally bad advice for anyone. Let people do things they like. Trans women are women and have always been women. Whoever wrote this is a misogynistic piece of trash. Generally speaking, women do not like people like OP.
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Please use the singular and plural of woman and women correctly, it is extremely unladylike not to.
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Trans guy here, and don’t you DARE talk to my trans sisters that way. They can wear whatever the fuck they want, drink whatever the fuck they want, and speak however the fuck they want, and it doesn’t make them any less of women.
“Dressing fashionably?” What does that even mean? That’s some capitalist bullshit right there if I ever read it. Being a woman doesn’t mean you need to be glued to fashion magazines for the rest of your life. This antiquated idea of what a “lady” is and isn’t could make me puke. You think you’re progressive because you’re blogging about trans women, but your ideas of “femininity” are stuck in the 1950s. Trans women don’t need you to act like you’re against one kind of oppression while blatantly endorsing another.
Suck my man clit.
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Honey I think you can tell people to suck your dick.
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Clearly you have reached us from an alternate plain of reality where you have keyed this electric message via a new form of typesetting morse code, which is sent via Marconi’s Wonder wireless attached to a thinking engine to
the steam driven electric vault of learning. Or you have asked a man to do it for you in case you have an attack of the vapours from the shear mental capacity you believe is involved.
The fact that our technologies are compatible is an amazing coincidence, and the fact that your message has crossed the dimensional gap is a wonder of your mechanical age.
but I suggest you read our World Wide Web. In doing so, you will learn that our world has a far more progressive attitude. Women like me, be we trans or cis are independent, have rights and believe your world’s views to be highly old fashioned And offensive in our version of the year 2017. I can only hope you can learn from us and maybe your world will end up being as progressive in the future.
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These comments are what’s wrong with the world today. People don’t know who or what they want to be and on top of that have no manners whatsoever . I understand if you feel more feminine or masculine but there are only two genders male and female the rest is made up liberal horsecrap
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Hello,
I am a Trans Woman, male for 41 years of my life and now FREE. Ladylike is just being yourself and knowing when and when not to do/act crazy. Even before I came out I was always quiet, passive, never liked to fight or argue. I was always kind always said please and thank you. Never left any place feeling upset or angry because I always wanted to leave people on good terms.
This article is crap! I dress how I want and I like dressing with class and style. I never liked nor do I ever show any skin. It just is not my way to dress. I do believe a women Cis or not should dress how they feel, not how others tell them.
Honestly, this article should simply say, “Be Yourself, and things will be fine”
I hate makeup so I only do concealer and primer maybe gray eyeliner/light brown eyeshadow. Why, BECAUSE THAT’S MY STYLE AND PREFERENCES.
Bye,
Wendalynn Sophia McKnight
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oh damn you deserve this massive roasting. What sort of idiot does this in 2017. It took me all my inner strength not to projectile vomit…..
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wtf did a man write this crap. i am the woman i want to be and don’t answer to anyone’s ideas what what i “should” dress, act, behave, or carry myself as. i’m a strong woman, a dyke, and fuck this shit i am the woman i want to be and not some puppet for others delight. good god ignore this blog.
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I’m an aggressive, skin-showing, impolite, ungroomed bitch and still a woman, thank you very much (minded my Ts there).
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I like many other girls here do not agree with you one bit and find this article extremely offensive. As a trans woman I have my own style and even cis women have different styles that are not traditionally properly female we are all different and no one should tell anyone how to live their lives
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I think the best way to convey how ridiculous this article is, is by writing the guy counterpart for this.
“You must think and behave in a womanly fashion, and you must drop any traits that make you look less feminine../..Being feminine is often described by traits such as gentleness, elegance, stylish, and respectful.”
You must think and behave in a manly fashion, and you must drop any traits that make you look less masculine../.. Being masculine is often described by traits such as aggression, confidence, insensitivity , ambitiousness.
Imagine being encouraged to be agressive and insensitive just because those are male stereotypes. Instead if you’re a woman you need to learn to be trampled over because having self confidence and standing up for yourself is not ladylike.
I suppose saying ‘thank you’, you know, basic human decency is a feminine trait so if you’re not a woman you shouldn’t feel pressured to act decent! This is hilarious tbh
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Well I don’t have to leave a comment as you all said what I was going to say…😬
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This is a terrible, sexist, abd deneaning article. Trans girls, if you want to be tough, and a tomboy, and wear flannels and hoodies and STAND UP FOR YOURSELF although someone here calls it aggressive, then that doesn’t invalidate you or youf gender. Gender identity does not equal gender expression. I repeat, GENDER IDENTITY DOES NOT EQUAL GENDER EXPRESSION. These are terribly sexist stereotypes and shouldn’t be enforced on cis girls and trans girls alike. Women are wonderful and beautiful women whether or not they are dainty and feminine and ready to be pushed around by others, so don’t try to invalidate them with this nonsense.
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Honestly I think some of the comments are policing how a transwoman and how cis women should look. I agree that we should not feed into stereotypes and grooming is important for all people. Transwomen can be masculine if they want.
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holy shit what a load of bullshit, I can’t wait to read the bullshit you wrote about transmen… to any ladies who are trans or otherwise don’t listen to this bullshit, just be you, do what makes you happy, dress how you want, be aggressive, be passive be anything you desire… you are all beautiful, you don’t need assclowns like the writer trying to tell you what you should or shouldnt do or how to be a woman.. how the f*ck does one be a woman anyway? how about we all stick to just being human beings.. there is no right or wrong way to be a woman or a man or any fucking gender or non gender … and you wonder why the suicide rate among trans folks is so high? aside from the bullshit society hands them, they have to deal with twatwaffles trying to tell them what does and doesnt make a woman.. it is a good thing I am not physically in front of the writer… I’d slap the stupid right out of her/him? them! what arrogance! who the fuck made you the leading authority? you are just another asshole screwing with the minorities… this whole post wreaks of misogyny and male privilege, the days of oppressing and controlling are over. you need to shut this blog down or at the very least delete this horse shit and write a letter of apology to the trans community and to every fucking woman on the planet! man, you seriously fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down!
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I think the main point of this is to learn proper dress and grooming, so you won’t look like the freaks that the fundamentalist Klantards want us to be. I didn’t see this as sexist at all, but more like common sense. Of course, if you want to be clocked and ridiculed for being trans, and take your life in your hands every time you leave the house (all of us do anyway, by virtue of being transgender, whether we look like June Cleaver or Tank Girl), then never mind.
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